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Wednesday, August 04, 2004
The One With The Decision 

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977), "Winter of Artifice"

After reading a dear fren's entry on her blog, I felt like I wanted to add up some spice her already spicy entry, "The One With the Hurtful Words".

A brief information, both of us went out of SSP in 1994. What is SSP? It's an elite all-girls government boarding school, situated right smack in the middle of KL. Sekolah Seri Puteri Kuala Lumpur. Or known to some as Sekolah Perempuan Kolam Ayer. There's only 3 all-girls boarding school in Malaysia; Tunku Kurshiah College (TKC), Sekolah Tun Fatimah (STF) and SSP.

I think it was about a month or so after sitting for PMR that I started thinking about leaving SSP. Not that I was getting bad results, or had displinary problems and wat-not, rather it was merely a thought then (with valid reasons that is ie fear of getting bad result in PMR was one of it). And it got serious a few months before getting the PMR result itself. I remembered writing a long letter telling my parents why I wanted out before the holidays started. But my parents stated that we will only start thinking about it later, after I had the results. But then, as the day grew nearer, I told myself, whatever the verdict is I wanted out, by hook or by crook. When the day came, I refused to go to school to get the results and told my mother that she had to submit my application to leave school then. My mother was then my hero, she had to talk to the counselling teachers and wat-not. Everyone was surprised to know I wanted out although I had straight A's, and that I wasnt a bad student. But what the heck? The decision was made, and I was sticking to it.

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)

Well...reasons....one of it would be because I felt I was going to be too peer-dependent. I hated being dependent. And of course, I hated the management. Everything was all-scheduled and planned out. That's some of it anyway.

A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has them afterwards.
Karl Kraus (1781 - 1832)

The benefits? Definitely a lot more than expected. And the verdict? It's just who I am today. I came to know more people. Get around more. Learnt few things here and there. Created chaos here and there (*wink)...hahahahhaaa..

c'est la vie!

Whatever it is, given the choice, I dont think I'll take a different path then. No regrets!

p/s: A secret -> I wasnt tht 'big' about boys in the SBP (Sekolah Berasrama Penuh) world. And yet, I married one. Budak Eton of the East plak tuh....IRONY.





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